my feet do me no good

my eyes feel so unseeing
galaxies floating unnoticed

my heart so useless
heavy and dull, just for decoration

i feel watched, seen
tied, sad

i'm happy but i'm not
i'm angry but at what?

i'm sad by why?
i can't see an hour from now

i can't see next week
i can't even speak

my feet do me no good
i go no where

Drifting: Thoughts

Lately, I feel that all that I've known for the past 6 years is crumbling around me. Ever since I picked up violin, I knew I wanted to go into music. Music this, music that. I was going to get a bachelor of music degree, I was going to teach music, I was going to start a strings school. I was even going to perform at Carnegie Hall. In fact, I'm still planning to do that last thing, but as far as college is concerned, I've changed my mind. No music.

I'm just TIRED of it.

I'm tired of messing up, I'm tired of having to work so hard for 6 years and not really be much better or have much more of a repertoire. I'm still going to play, yes, but I'm not planning on continuing the activities I've been involved in any longer. No more music lessons. I think I just need a break, really. Maybe I will want to continue taking lessons a little later on down the road... maybe I won't be so put off. But for now, after this semester, no more music.

Perhaps I won't go to college this year at all. Maybe I'll just continue my awesome job and focus on it for a little while. It's not wrong to drift around in life for a while. I think that was one of the things I grew up thinking: If you don't know what you're doing every minute of every day, it's wrong. Just a habit that needs to be thrown away. I've been wearing it long enough.

I'm thinking...
photography.
I've always loved it, and I've been told I'm good at it. I really enjoy it and think that my mind is creative enough to come up with good ideas; creative enough to have lots of customers. Maybe I'll go into a partnership with someone who wants a partner. That'd be neat. :) I'd enjoy that. I love to edit photos just as much as I love taking them, so perhaps someone will need a photo-editor. Now... for a camera. :)

I want a Nikon, but I'm not yet sure which kind. Randi has a d80, which I've used and I love it... Or maybe I'll get a Minolta. They're both nice and sturdy.

Just my thoughts on drifting.

I'll be doing a lot of it in the near future.

Picasa?

Here I am at the fine arts building again on campus. :) I just love this place. Even the leaves all over the floor from the many trees in the main room... They don't even bother me. I'm so used to them. I still miss TSS, but this place is so wonderful.

So I guess Friday, we are going to Westchester, like I'd thought we might. :) That's good. And then on Saturday, I dunno what we're doing exactly. The rides are not appealing (Fur Rondy) when it's 20 degrees out. Ha.

I'm not teaching currently because my schedule is weird and the only student I have (paying student, that is) can only do Friday evenings, and I told her Friday evenings aren't good for me. I just don't want to kill my evenings. If I could get her to come Saturday mornings, that would be cool.

I worked again yesterday from 1 to 6pm. It was fun, and I was so exhausted last night that I fell asleep for an hour on the couch. Then I dragged myself to my bed and was barely even awake enough to talk to Brenden on the phone for a few minutes. Poor guy just got off after a few minutes when he discovered I could barely even make out an entire sentence without falling asleep.

I'm going to download Picasa now.

Cheers

Well. Here I am again.

I've only worked two days. I can't get a hold of the boss so I don't know what my hours are as of yet.

Am about to go on my daily "jog." :) I need to swing by Value Village and look for black shirts. I don't have any but one and I'm not wearing the same one over and over to work every day! Haha. SOMEONE would notice.

Friday, if I don't work, Brenden has no school, so we're trying to figure out something to do. Ice skating seems to be on the top of the list; the big lake, Westchester Lagoon, has just been cleared, so, we'll see. Also, we could rent a movie and watch it here at home as long as Dave and Annie aren't doing anything that evening away from the house.

Cheers!