The Three Stooges

My mother calls them "Who", "What", and "I Don't Know", but I call them the Three Stooges. Gamaliel, Jesse, and Conrad have been in my life for a lonnnng time. They're staples. They will always be there. They will always be in my mind as "Those Holy Terrors" or "The Ravenous Hoards" or "THOSE DARN BOYS!"

I can recall a couple incidents in which both I was to blame and they were to blame..

• THE TREE HOUSE INCIDENT

So I'm four years old. And the boys are in their tree house. What am I gonna do? I have no friends at that point, since Jesse's sister Sarah was only like, two.. So I stood just below their tree house, whining and complaining and hurtling insults up at them when they wouldn't let me up. Finally, it got to a point where nothing that came out of my mouth was comprehendable, and in my four-year-old wrath, I picked up a rock half as big as my head and proceeded to chunk it through the air: up. Of course, you know the saying: What goes up, must come down. And down it came! Right on my head. (It's most likely that the reason I was offended was I'd done it to myself.) There was hell to pay. I screamed; I yelled; I danced around the yard holding my hands over my head and hollering accusations like a typical little girl would at her brothers. I then took it a step further and went inside, still crying and holding the growing red knot on my head. The result? Groundage for Jesse (one week) and a spanking for Gamaliel. They've never let me forget it.

• THE LEMONADE STAND INCIDENT

Anyone who knows me very well has heard or read this story. Basically, my friend Katie and I went through a lot for a seven and ten year old to go through to make a lemonade stand. We tediously prepared the lemonade, stored it in the fridge in glass jars, and then went outside to make the actual stand. After digging around in the bodega (shed) and the back yard for an hour or so, we came up with an ugly yellow metal table and two falling-apart chairs that would just barely support our weight. When we got back inside? All the lemonade had been drunk by Gamaliel and Conrad. All of it. We've never let them forget it.